Again, ME
Dear ones
Time passes and
not in vain, before my 30 years "Complejos[1]" was born, it was a writing done in
favor of the human inside me that was screaming before the universal vision of
beauty. I felt that I was losing the characteristics that made me a woman
worthy of awakening desire in others. Today some say that I have an imposing
presence. Ha! I say that more than presence, it is an advertisement in my look
that says "beware, dangerous dog" which keeps me away from adults and
many problems. I swear that I distrust theirs smile and words. What can I say,
life has made me cautious. If you do not believe me, you can take a chance and
read “Realidad vs. Fantasía” though I do not recommend it to those
with weak hearts. : P
Today a month of
my forties I look for more health than beauty, I move away from those who knew me
in the past, not because I want to avoid problems, but to recognize myself very
different of the woman I was. Before I wanted to show that I was a sensual
woman, owner of my body and sexuality. Today I see myself smiling without
advices for others; my life equation would not work for anyone else.
A little part of
my recipe to survive:
•
A lot of work that feeds my spirit and soul.
•
Few outings, alone or with friends, a good story
leaves me sitting catching my attention and desires.
•
My writing is sporadic and emotional, far from the
fame I once wanted.
•
Little sex, in this case includes the narcissist, with
me alone and a lot of caresses, which shows how much I love my body. The truth
I share it, very little. The search for that shared heat of two bodies’ seems
somewhat tedious.
•
Among a lot of other things that keep the woman inside
my soul healthy.
Ouch, almost at
40, I have become selfish with my kisses and caresses. It bothers me that
others judge me as an equation that has not changed. I do not deny that I
appreciate the look of the past with the question: How will your body feel in
my arms? Without taking the step’s to find the answer to that question. I admit
that something inside me looked up accepting the doubt that’s there. I can
still remember his caress, the almost savage union before "the petite
mort" that was sought between shadows, the truth between the routine, the
absence or distance and the trail of bodies left behind, for him, does not allow
me much more than to smile in a mischievous way before I follow my path.
On the other
hand I ran out of the kissing thief who was an accomplice in other times that
one who thinks he's a youngster of 20 and who is awesome. Hey! the thing is not
so easy when the woman is safe under her own skin, she is not afraid of
loneliness, but above all, she knows what she wants and is not afraid to ask
for it. I didn’t call for it… if you just doubt it.
Today I consider
myself older and wise, not ugly or old, I respect myself more than in the 20s
and I am less critical at the beginning of my 30s. The 40s find me determined
but realistic with my goals. I want to study more, write more, read a lot more
... Have sex ... Ah ...? With a little of what could be given of tenderness,
love and respect, but above all with the rules established by me and to my
benefit, of course!
Almost finished,
I assure you that the memories deceive me, covered with nostalgia where the
past was full of laughter, of tastes, opportunities and escapades. Many times I
manage to forget the pain and the frustration that were in my life in past
years. The truth is I stick out my tongue to that dubious past and I make it
fierce, before the unconditional and pure love that I receive from my students.
Today, moreover, I construct with reason and logic, my exhaustion is a
consequence of working hard, and not trying to be who I am not. I am far from
the woman who wasted her time trying to please others. I proclaim that there
are still only two human beings who are my north, my religion and my soul. More
in this way, my reason for learning is in my classroom, for no other reason
than I want to give others the opportunity I didn’t have. Do not be confuse,
the desire to adventure, to know the world and to find someone special with
whom to share caresses has not died, it is only cautious before a world that is
not governed by logic and reason. I am happy to keep discovering things about
myself, my inner teenager has me in love, the inner little girl smiles more
with her antics and the adult is infatuated up to the crown, with my self-control.
I am proud to send to flight, in a delicate manner, all people who do not
respect my space and rules, if you are one of those... Upss
I learned from a
wise woman: "That person, who loves you, does not FUCK with you"
learning the lesson was not painful, teaching it is something else. For now
there are several masochists who do not understand my silence, my absence and
even more my lack of enthusiasm. I swear it's almost over, my 40s..., I want to
see what surprises it bring me, and do not forget that I still like to make
war, instead of love. It is more fun.
[1] Part of “Realidad vs. Fantasía”,
a book published in 2009, that includes works from 2006 to the date of
publication.
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